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“This painting was created straight from prayer, in prayer and for prayer.” (Visio Divina)

A few years back, I was called many times to a deeper place of prayer for several loved ones who had lost their way. The pain of the situation drew me to my knees as well as to the easel.  Painting for me became a way of prayer.  There was darkness, depression, pain, hurt and hope that felt lost.  But that was not the whole story, there was also faith, pieces of light, a gentle voice in the darkness, a way through, a pause for momentary rest with little moments of calm, and the grace of courage to persevere through what was very very hard.  That gentle voice in the darkness was the Blessed Mother who led us always to the tender mercies of Her Son.  When there was nothing left but the darkness of rock bottom and the feelings that this is what we deserved, it was always the encounter with Christ in the Garden of one’s soul that opened the door to the precise grace that we needed…but getting to that point was never easy.  St. Teresa of Avila uses the spiritual metaphor of a garden to refer to the human soul.  For me, especially in this painting, the image portrays a lost child found and led to Him where He prayed for each child of God in the Garden of Gethsemane over two thousand years ago the night before His death on the Cross.  He wept for love of us and lifted us to the Father’s love, where a child is always safe from harm.  

For me personally, the many years of caring and leading my children on the rocky road of mental health, I encountered many moments as a mother when I had to either enter deeply into the shadows of pain or let go and trust that God had a plan. I referred to these moments as ‘the corner’ where I had to literally stop, catch my breath, pray and seek His direction.  Most of the time, these corners were filled with dread and fear.  Once, in a chapel before the Eucharist, I heard a small voice whisper into the deepest part of my soul….”I will be at every corner.”  It was His whisper of love to me that guarded me from a fear that could paralyze me into a frozen state of agony.  That whisper of love was a sentence that allowed me to grow in trust and eventually learn how to surrender well.  It was a heavenly promise that allowed grace to sink deeper into the hidden wounds of a weary mother’s heart.  

REFLECT: Take some time in silence as you look at this image.  Ask questions and make it your prayer to help you in your own story.  

A mother’s love guiding her child around the corner, led by light yet into darkness because it is when the darkness is encountered by love, it can be transformative.  “Walk with me, hold my hand, slow down and walk with me through the wilderness.”  "It’ll be ok, He has won this battle for you, go to Him, He loves you.”  The invitation to look at our brokenness through God’s eyes is always the beginning.  Just like a seed in the garden of our lives grows in silence, before it can break through the soil, it must be watered by prayer.  Prayer is nothing more than an honest conversation with one who knows it all anyways.  Prayer acts as the vital water that revives, sustains, and transforms the hards clumps of dirt into a fruitful garden.  May this image bless your prayer and your journey back to the Heart of real love.  

References for deeper reflection:

https://www.franciscanmedia.org/st-anthony-messenger/lessons-from-jesus-agony-in-the-garden/

Why do I paint what I paint….  

This is a question I’ve been reflecting on and praying on for a few years.  To question a call in faith requires a lot of time just to listen and be still. While I strive not only to further develop a skill, but I also strive to grow in holiness and sometimes that can be an act of control. Controlling the outcome of one’s efforts, the feelings, the direction,  the aspirations, the inspirations, the hours spent , the discipline given and all for what??? To be the one in control and to answer this question perfectly? If the answer were yes, to all of the above… then why is it so messy in the middle? It’s not until I step back after many, many months, perhaps even years and reflect backwards. The events of my life are similar to the strokes of a painting , you have to step back and see it from a distance to make sense of where you are going. It’s a beautiful thing, this stepping back, to pause and to look more deeply into one’s own heart and to listen, then to look up again and be led forward. 

Last week, I was on an artist’s retreat and it led me deeper into this question.  We studied other artists as well as writers that unpacked these exact questions for their own works. We studied Flannery O’Connor and her pursuit of excellence through prayers and suffering,  St. Teresa of Avila, and her spiritual metaphors of grace through imagery and  St. John Paul II and his call to all artists..   I love doing retreats, there is always something new and it feels so good to return to normal everyday life with new direction and renewed purpose. 

Enjoy the prayer given to us on this retreat below 

for artists based on St. John Paul II, Letter To Artists

Creator God,

Help me to see as You see: the dignity hidden within every person,

The grace concealed within suffering, and the hope that shines even in darkness.

May my work never become an escape from reality, but a deeper encounter with it.

May I have the courage to tell the truth, the patience to pursue excellence,

And the wisdom to create what uplifts the human spirit.

Let my art be a bridge between souls, a window opened toward Heaven and a lamp that points beyond itself to a source of all beauty.